tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post262588830831767049..comments2023-10-05T03:21:41.343-06:00Comments on Invictus Pilgrim: An Overwhelming Emptiness: Reprise and ReflectionsInvictus Pilgrimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15961213460164925021noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-1919107589267397522011-04-05T05:21:30.092-06:002011-04-05T05:21:30.092-06:00@Dadsprimalscream - Thanks for your comment. You ...@Dadsprimalscream - Thanks for your comment. You have highlighted the key starting point: self-acceptance. And you are absolutely right about the perspective of the wife in a MoMom. Like you, I am grateful that my wife took the position that she did.<br /><br />@GeckoMan - There is nothing in this post that was intended to "skew" towards divorce as the "ultimate solution." I merely attempted to compile and present comments received. <br /><br />Having said that, however, I will agree that there were certain points that I believed needed and deserved to be made concerning issues surrounding divorce. There is so much pressure upon a gay Mormon man who is in a MoMoM that he often is unable to allow himself to gain perspectives on his situation that are different from those imposed by his culture and religion. One of the purposes of this post was to highlight these different perspectives, not from a position of advocating, but merely of presenting.<br /><br />You as well as others who are experiencing a degree of success in maintaining your MoMoM should not feel threatened or that you are "outliers" or "compromised" by posts such as this. No one is saying that what you are doing is not valid or authentic for you, or may be not be valid or authentic for someone else. And your perspective and experience is just as welcome in any discussion on this blog as anyone else's.<br /><br />That being said, what was said in this post, as well as others, needs to be said. Perspectives presented here represent authentic voices of very real men who are struggling with very real issues in very authentic ways. There is no "advocating" going on here, unless is an advocacy of providing perspectives on a situation that men may have been unable or refused to allow themselves to see or have.<br /><br />There is much more I could write in response to your comments, but perhaps I will have to save them for a post. :)Invictus Pilgrimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15961213460164925021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-35664786456527629952011-04-04T23:32:44.114-06:002011-04-04T23:32:44.114-06:00I think it may be too easy to talk ourselves out o...I think it may be too easy to talk ourselves out of love and passion for a spouse, given the disconnects that do exist in MOMs and the struggles of coping with the complexities of life in general. How is it that we could 'fall in love' with a woman, have a passionate early phase, and then later detach from that same relationship? I know there are no easy answers, no one-size-fits-all, but such has been my experience, and I suspect this is not uncommon. Yet in my situation, married to an open-minded companion, willing to love me gay and all, has allowed me to re-attach to the marital satisfaction I once experienced.<br /><br />So, while I inherently agree with the key points and comments reviewed in this recap, I'm still a little uncomfortable with the tone and overall conclusion of this post, which seems to be heavily skewed towards divorce as the ultimate solution. Maybe I'm over-reacting here, but I think gay individuals and their spouses need to be encouraged to find a solution that works best for their unique family circumstance, given all the options, and not be herded into a generic conclusion. Also, I and other gay Mormon men who remain in MoMOMs do not want to feel like we're outliers or compromised, because we've chosen to keep our marriages. I want to be viewed as legitimate in my life's path, just as you appreciate the support and validation of your decision for divorce. <br /><br />Relationships are seldom perfect: there will be days when I or she will frankly wish for something different. But there will also be days when we experience true joy and tenderness together. I'm sure that same sex unions experience similar ups and downs. So why should I work to convince myself that 'the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?' I think the key is one's overall happiness and satisfaction with life. If I can and do enjoy happiness and fulfillment in my MoMOM, even if it is mixed with frustration at times, then is it worth staying? For me, it is.<br /><br />As I commented in the first post, and I'd like to reiterate here, I believe the key virtues to be employed in successfully navigating a marriage or divorce are these: kindness, respect and honesty. Actively tempering our thoughts, words and actions with these guiding stars will help us figure out our family's best course, as well as to help us to positively grow from difficult circumstances.GeckoManhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04846438788253129899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-37447597797194975122011-04-04T16:48:33.278-06:002011-04-04T16:48:33.278-06:00I completely agree that accepting myself, or admit...I completely agree that accepting myself, or admitting that I was gay was the first and most difficult hurdle. Once I did that, peace poured over me like I'd never felt before. In fact it felt so good that I thought I'd be able to live like that...just knowing it myself ... for the rest of my days.<br /><br />But we're not the only ones that that sort of decision impacts. As you mentioned, our wives deserve to be able to make that choice themselves...if they want to be married to a homosexual man. Mine didn't and I thank my lucky stars every day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com