tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post4273648936417988944..comments2023-10-05T03:21:41.343-06:00Comments on Invictus Pilgrim: The Toll: Inside a Mormon Mixed-Orientation MarriageInvictus Pilgrimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15961213460164925021noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-1983378394075957902011-03-24T09:34:46.146-06:002011-03-24T09:34:46.146-06:00@Wayne - Thanks for sharing your comments, Wayne. ...@Wayne - Thanks for sharing your comments, Wayne. I hear what you are saying. Our children are precious. I will never regret having them.Invictus Pilgrimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15961213460164925021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-59497356890593772162011-03-23T23:36:08.214-06:002011-03-23T23:36:08.214-06:00I know the pain in a mixed orientation marriage. I...I know the pain in a mixed orientation marriage. I agree there has been a price to pay - but when I look at what I have because of it - my own children my own creations and now to see this being passed on in grandchildren. To hold a new born of my daughter, to play with my 16 year old son, to have him call me old man, to volunteer in my daughter's school, to see my sons off in other countries serving missions - I would do it all over again in a heart beat!Wayne N. Carrollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06793365239679024754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-56948391248077168052011-03-22T05:14:57.287-06:002011-03-22T05:14:57.287-06:00@Brad - Best wishes on your journey. I hope thing...@Brad - Best wishes on your journey. I hope things go well for you in the coming months.<br /><br />@Martin - Thank you.<br /><br />@Ben - Thanks for your comments. Yes, the actor, the false persona - he doesn't give up easily. It takes a conscious effort, and the process is not always comfortable or comforting.<br /><br />@Trey - Thank you for once again sharing Hodgson's poem and reminding me of the metaphor, which is so very, very apt. Your journey is an inspiration to me; I'm thankful for your testimony.<br /><br />@Paul - Thanks for your comments. Each of our stories is different, yet similar. I appreciate your kind words and support, and best wishes to you on your own journey!Invictus Pilgrimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15961213460164925021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-25914166701862576642011-03-22T00:53:29.836-06:002011-03-22T00:53:29.836-06:00"I was not built to break, I got to know my o..."I was not built to break, I got to know my own strength" - what an inspiration! And the process you are going through as you come to realize who you really are and how you need to then act is amazing and daunting. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing your story as an example. In my case, despite being separated from my wife of 30 years and living with my partner for over a year, I have not fully "come out" I feel I was happy during those married years, but perhaps I need to take a second look at how the toll was taken on me. And even before that - how did growing up in an evangelical Christian home affect me. <br /><br />You've given me quite a bit to ponder. And good luck in your process of recovery, mourning and healing.Paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12775219683154536934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-5791106882521609792011-03-21T18:01:38.777-06:002011-03-21T18:01:38.777-06:00Invictus, I admit having had to choke back some em...Invictus, I admit having had to choke back some emotion after reading the excerpt of your sister's letter.<br /><br />I apologize for including it in my comments a second time, but your post again brought forcefully to my mind Hodgson’s poem “The Hammers”.<br /><br />The link for me is a metaphorical construction of a false palace that ultimately could not endure. (The same is/was true for me.) For while the palace lasted, we conscientiously (?) set other silent hammers pounding away at our true selves in a well-meaning but destructive attempt to rid ourselves of ourselves in order to secure our existence in the palace of cultural conformity.<br /><br />Now that we have turned the hammers on the palace, we can feel the pain the psyche-destroying hammers left behind. For me, as I heal and the pain subsides, energy from the life-force flows more abundantly filling me with new desire for the good and the beauty and the wonder in life and living. I think I may always bear a few scars but they serve as positive reminders.<br /><br />Noise of hammers once I heard,<br />Many hammers, busy hammers,<br />Beating, shaping, night and day,<br />Shaping, beating dust and clay<br />To a palace; saw it reared;<br />Saw the hammers laid away.<br /><br />And I listened, and I heard<br />Hammers beating, night and day,<br />In the palace newly reared,<br />Beating it to dust and clay:<br />Other hammers, muffled hammers,<br />Silent hammers of decay<br /><br />My your own healing be swift, my friend.<br /><br />TreyTrey Adamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01566379266155595170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-88693111641413458622011-03-21T17:27:21.706-06:002011-03-21T17:27:21.706-06:00It is like reading my own thoughts here. I was tal...It is like reading my own thoughts here. I was talking with someone just today on how subconscious the "acting" becomes. You take on a whole different personage as you try to suffocate the self your were taught was evil and soul-less. <br /><br />It is a process to un-teach yourself all those things you acted as. I have been out 3 years and it has only really recently become aware to me how deeply entrenched the thought patterns were. All the activities I missed out on or things I avoided as to not appear or associate with anything that was even remotely gay or associated as such.<br /><br />It is very rewarding to slough of that tattered straight act and re-discover who you have always been. Thanks for sharing these great insights into life.Benhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04750930389430019761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-90259378820300736852011-03-21T10:00:01.452-06:002011-03-21T10:00:01.452-06:00my God, this is good. Self-awareness at a very hi...my God, this is good. Self-awareness at a very high level. Honest in intention. Rigorous in examination. Worthy of being considered in ANY journal on the subject of Homosexuality and Religion.Martin in NYCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-57993827759038339472011-03-21T07:37:11.149-06:002011-03-21T07:37:11.149-06:00This take on your journey is rich- I appreciated h...This take on your journey is rich- I appreciated how I was able to relate to some of the emotions and processes you went through. I feel similar pressures as to the model husband/missionary/LDS male. I have until recently been similarly convicted. I think my future path may be different, though. Stress levels have been very high for me lately- I hope to work through some of the issues that are comparable for me once I graduate in a month. Difficult stuff. Though I have a girlfriend currently, the family consequences for me are much less severe. I don't see easy answers for you but I think your process (making decisions, blogging about your experiences and feelings) is a promising one.mistahdoomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10565026922565152435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6144399754818696603.post-41155741147974072742011-03-21T05:32:08.086-06:002011-03-21T05:32:08.086-06:00I am so glad that you are on the path to identific...I am so glad that you are on the path to identification. Once all the steps have been identified, you can heal. I think that coming out to your true self is only part of the process.While you can finally coexist entirely in your life., I can imagine that you still need to, like a doctor evaluating a patient, need to identify all the steps that led you along this path, both physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Once you give them the attention, love and nurturing they need, I believe that all the layers will heal - allowing for a holistic you.<br />(if this makes sense?)Libellulehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07633236721899345816noreply@blogger.com