A lot is going on in my life right now with my marriage. I’ll write about it in the days and weeks ahead. If you like drama, I’m sure you’ll find some here. Stay tuned. Meanwhile, I just wanted to share a few thoughts today about being gay and about “the family.” You may have gathered that most of my posts are written ahead of time with a fair amount of thought. This one, however, is being written “real time.” So, pardon if it’s unpolished; but I hope its authenticity makes up for any other faults.
I am continuing to make more contacts on-line with other members of “the family,” and I’m working toward converting more and more of these contacts into “real” ones. This is the next stage of my coming out, i.e., making friends in the gay community with whom I can be “real” and “out loud.” I’m not following a playbook in this process; I’m just going with the flow and doing what I feel is right for me.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post here about how one could be grateful to be gay. (I subsequently wrote a response to my own post, here.) Well, due to recent events in my life, I can now honestly say that I am, i.e., grateful to be gay. Why? Well, I’m sure that other reasons will be added to the list in the weeks and months ahead, but for now: because my being gay is leading me out of a marriage that really hasn’t worked since day one and is leading me to the person I really am. In other words, I guess, being gay – and accepting and embracing that – is propelling me to make some changes in my life that are long overdue.
(Note to some readers: What I have written may sound harsh to a gay LDS brother (particularly one who is in a MOM), but I have tried – diligently, desperately – for 20+ years to make my marriage work. I have walked the walk, done everything I was “supposed” to do, applied all the supposed “fixes.” It hasn’t worked and isn’t working. It’s time to move on.)
I’m also grateful to be gay because coming out has led me to discover “the family.” I have felt more love, acceptance, affirmation, friendship and, as a result, happiness, over the course of the past few weeks from people I don’t even really know - yet - than I have in many years of marriage. I have received only a taste of what life can be like, and that taste has been like water to a parched soul, leaving me wanting to taste and experience more.
So, thanks again to those members of “the family” – both brothers and sisters – who have reached out to me in varying ways. I look forward to meeting more and more of you in the coming days, weeks and months!