Friday, March 4, 2011

Moving Out and Moving On


I have wrestled with whether or not I should post today, or at all. The past 24 hours have been extremely difficult and painful. I started the day yesterday thinking that perhaps I could get through this in relatively good shape. I was proven wrong. I suppose I must condition myself to accept that pain is an integral part of this process.

I am moving out today. There are things I could say about the past few days, many good, others not so good. But I frankly don't feel like going there. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I simply must pull up my boot straps, straighten my shoulders and move forward. The alternatives to doing so, while sometimes enticing, are not really alternatives.

And so, I'm moving on, like the song says. The lyrics to this song are far more courageous and self-assured than I feel right now; nevertheless, they express much of what I am feeling.

20 comments:

  1. Even though you may be moving on with a heavy heart, and understandably so, you are moving on with an ocean of support around you.

    lots of love

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  2. Invictus: wishing you all the best and strength today with your move. Even though it is the first day of the rest of your life, you're leaving behind a lot. I went through this a few years ago after I separated from my first wife and it was very hard. Not only for me but also for our kids. Luckily we made good arrangements and I have a great relationship with them. They kept my spirits up and I came out (no pun) of the darkness and am now in a wonderful relationship. So I hope for you that you can maintain that as well with your children, and let them into your new life, how difficult or strange that may seem to them.

    All my best and hugs, SdI.

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  3. That song has been an integral part of my healing in the past several years. I've used it a various times and it's taken on many different meanings.

    Hang in there! You're going through something very difficult and it makes sense that you'd be struggling. My thoughts are with you.

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  4. Jeff in ColoradoMarch 4, 2011 at 7:58 AM

    I admire you for your courage and integrity. Hope the day goes well for you.

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  5. Some pain and a lot of uncertainty, it sounds like. Feel the moment and use your head to plan and plow through the problems and needs of transition. Best,

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  6. @ Libellule, Saffron, FMW and Jeff - Thanks for all of you for your support and kind words. They mean a lot to me.

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  7. When I left my marriage, I felt much the same way you do now. It is hard. And, very painful... at the time, but it does get better. I would NOT go back to that time in my life for all the money in the world- I knew if I stayed, I would blow my head off (sorry for being so blunt) and I knew there were reasons to live.

    I have never heard this song by Rascal Flats, but as I read the words, I see how they so apply.

    Best of luck to you today. Remember to give yourself a break- there are tough days ahead, but you can do this. And, all will be well. Really.

    Love and respect, always.

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  8. @ Brad - Yes, pain and uncertainty; our common lot as humans, along with joy and love and lots of other things. :) I'm trying to remind myself of that - i.e., that life is a kaleidoscope of shifting emotions, insights and experiences, full of brilliant color. Thanks for your comments.

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  9. @ This blog author - I appreciate the benefit of your experience and perspective. Thanks for your support and truly kind words.

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  10. Much love to you Invictus! You may not feel like it, but I see you standing very tall and moving forward with as much grace as anyone can in difficult situations like this. I also want to thank this blog author/duck for his supportive words. I'm trying to take them to heart as well.

    As for those boot straps, forget them! Throw away the old boots and buy a nice new pair of shoes.

    Thinking about you.

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  11. @ Pablo:Thank you. This blog author is a her. :)

    @ Invictus: You are in my prayers and thoughts. We love you and support you in your needs and choices to move forward. We are here for you.

    Love and respect, always.

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  12. P.S. I feel so much for what you are going through right now and hope things will feel better and soon.

    When I left my marriage, I was living in Washington State. I packed up the car, a U-Haul, and drove to Utah, alone, afraid, and hurt. I had no where to go- my parents wanted nothing to do with me because I left the marriage-. I was broken, shattered, and sad. I showed up, unexpectedly, on my twin sister's door.

    Thankfully, she had had a premonition (our "twin ESP thing" going) that she would see me that day even though it made no sense to her, because, for all she knew, I was still out of the country. She, of course, let me in, and basically saved my life through that whole time period.

    So, I really do know how it can feel for you. But, your circumstance is different in that you have MANY people pulling for you, who love you, and support you. I hope you will feel this love as you go through today and many other days.

    love and respect, always.

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  13. @ this blog author/duck: I'm SO sorry!

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  14. To Pablo: it is OK. There is NO apology needed. I am not offended at all- just wanted you to know I am a her. :)

    Happy day. :)

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  15. Pablo and This Blog Author - Thanks, once again, for all your support and best wishes. They have helped me get through this day!

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  16. If I had a karaoke of "She's Leaving Home" from Sgt. Pepper, I would sing these new words to that old tune, but since I don't, you'll just have to use your imagination.

    Friday morning at five o'clock
    as the day begins
    Silently closing his bedroom door
    Leaving the note that he hoped would say more
    He goes downstairs to the kitchen
    clutching his laptop case
    Quietly turning the back door key
    Stepping outside he is free

    He (he gave them most of his life)
    is leaving (sacrificed most of his life)
    home (he gave them everything father could give)
    He’s leaving home after living alone for
    so many years (bye bye)

    Mother wakes as the sun shines in the her dressing room
    Picks up the letter that's lying there
    Standing alone at the top of the stairs
    She breaks down and cries to her children
    Kids now your papa’s gone
    Why would he treat us so thoughtlessly?
    How could he do this to me?

    He (He never thought selfishly)
    is leaving (never a thought for himself)
    home (He struggled hard all his life to get by)
    He's leaving home after living alone for
    so many years (bye bye)

    Saturday he awakes and greets a brand new day
    Sunrays beam on the his new bed spread
    He stretches and feel much less dread

    He (he made the best of his life)
    is feeling (gave them the best of his life)
    Peace (peace is the thing he could not find ‘til now)
    Something denied will now be most alive
    so many years (shalom)
    He’s feeling peace (shalom)

    ---

    May tomorrow's sun warm and calm you!

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  17. We stand silently today, wishing a great brother fair weather and a good wind at his back. You have given us much. We now only wish for safe passage from the chapters now in your rear view mirror, and the new one you are about to begin writing. March forth, good man.

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  18. @Ned - Thanks SO much for taking the time to convey such a heartfelt and wonderful message. I appreciate both the sentiment that prompted the message as well as the message itself. Thank you!

    @Martin - Thanks to you as well for your heartfelt message of support. I am simply overwhelmed at the support I have felt from many different quarters, reaching far and wide. Thank you!

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  19. Ned, that's perfect. That's an amazing Beatles song.

    I'm there with you Invictus. That feeling of excitement for the new opportunities but some sadness at what you're leaving behind. Best of luck to you. And remember, "It gets better."

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  20. @Vic, I'm glad you were OK with the sentimentality of my approach and appreciated this parody for what it was, a tribute to your many years "at home" and to your honesty and courage in choosing a new path. I did find an online karaoke version on YouTube which I particularly like since the musician's video shows his wonderful hands on the keyboard and gives us a glimpse of a nice salt and pepper beard.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TksfgRg0OSM

    I also spotted a couple of typos in my text and have corrected those and made a few other changes/improvements, here:

    He's Leaving Home
    (A Beatles variation/parody for Vic)

    Friday morning at five o'clock
    as the day begins
    Silently closing his bedroom door
    Leaving the note that he hoped would say more
    He goes downstairs to the kitchen
    clutching his laptop case
    Quietly turning the back door key
    Stepping outside he is free

    He (he gave them most of his life)
    is leaving (sacrificed most of his life)
    home (he gave them all that a father could give)
    He’s leaving home after living alone for
    so many years (bye bye)

    Mother wakes as the sun shines into her dressing room
    Picks up the letter that's lying there
    Standing alone at the top of the stairs
    She breaks down and cries to their children
    Oh dear your father's gone
    Why would he treat us so thoughtlessly?
    How could he do this to me?

    He (he never thought selfishly)
    is leaving (never a thought for himself)
    home (he struggled hard all his life to get by)
    He's leaving home after living alone for
    so many years (bye bye)

    Saturday he awakes and welcomes a brand new day
    Sunshine glows on his brand new bedspread
    as he stretches and feels much less dread

    He (he made the best of his life)
    is feeling (gave them the best of his life)
    peace (peace is the thing he could not find ‘til now)
    Something denied will now be most alive
    so many years (shalom)
    He’s feeling peace (shalom)

    ReplyDelete