Davy Wavy Meets the Mormons?

It appears that Davy Wavy, the gay fitness guru, has met the Mormons – so to speak.  Yesterday on his blog, Davy reported that he had received the following email:

I’ve seen you on YouTube a few times over the last four or five years. You’re really a nice kid, but you’re so messed up.

I like you, but Davey, choosing to be gay is a real scam.  You’re being so scammed buddy ol’ pal.  I really mean that.

Why do I say this?  Simply, stop a minute and look at your design (your body).  You were made to be a dad – a fun lovable, hard working man with kids.  Your design is to be a father – and a good one.

If you don’t find a wonderful girl and make her your wife, and then if you don’t have kids, Oh wow, how sad and dejected you are going to be in you older years.  And then, don’t be stupid and think this life just ends at old age.  That’s a ridiculous lie.  Life goes on my friend.  Those little kids that you have, and your wife will mean so much to you, and will make your life so meaningful over the time here, and the time after life.

Come one Davy, your ‘man parts’ have an important purpose, and your awesome gift of semen has a real purpose!  You were designed to have children – beautiful children just like yourself.  You were designed to have a wonderful girl as a wife, and love and cherish her.

I’m trying to help you not make a terrible mistake.  Come on, wake up man.

Your friend,

Steve

He then read the email and responded to it in this video (warning:  Davy makes a couple of “off color” comments, which he is wont to do, but which are usually very, very funny and are, in my humble opinion, in this case):

Now, I realize it is possible that “Steve” is perhaps a born-again Christian, but he sounds (very) suspiciously like a Mormon.  Notice, for example, that Steve goes straight for the parental jugular:  “You were made to be a dad.”  And not just an ordinary dad, mind; but a “fun, lovable, hard-working man with kids.”  And just to make sure the point is not lost, Steve adds:  “Your design is to be a father – and a good one [emphasis added].  (Is this where the “Fatherhood:  It’s About Time,” ad starts?)

Other tell-tale signs:  Steve goes on to admonish Davy to find a “wonderful girl and make her your wife.”  This statement bears the heavy fingerprint of the chauvinist Mormon priesthood holder – not that every Mormon priesthood holder is chauvinist, by any means.  But, hey, we all know they’re out there and we all know LDS guys, particularly of a certain age (which Steve appears to be, calling Davy – age 28 – a “kid”) that view finding a “wonderful girl” who can be “made” a fruitful wife the primary purpose of every returned missionary.

But what really gives Steve away, I think, is his “families are forever” speech:  “And then, don’t be stupid and think this life just ends at old age.  That’s a ridiculous lie [interesting choice of words].  Life goes on my friend.  Those little kids that you have, and your wife will mean so much to you, and will make your life so meaningful over the time here, and the time after life.”  Again, Steve could be a born-again Christian, but I’m laying my money on him being a macho jock Mormon.

A Neanderthal macho jock Mormon at that, who waxes eloquent about Davy’s “awesome gift of semen” [sorry, ladies, you aren’t so endowed] which has a “real purpose.” Then, there are the parting teachings:  “You were designed to have children – beautiful children just like yourself.  You were designed to have a wonderful girl [not a woman, mind, a “girl”] as a wife, and love and cherish her.”

Perhaps the dead give-away, in my view, that Steve is Mormon is his parting patronizing comment that he is only trying to help Davy see the error of his ways:  “I’m trying to help you not make a terrible mistake.  Come on, wake up man.” 

Davy Wavy very graciously, in his video, assumes that Steve is coming from a “good place.”  Davy is being very charitable.  Perhaps I am a bit cynical because I have lived through all that is represented by Steve’s comments.  I bought into trying to be that perfect heterosexual Mormon father who is in all the LDS Church’s ads – the laughing, adoring father who is walking hand in hand with his sweetheart, his eternal companion.  I also bought into, if I were to be honest, the whole patriarchal scene that Steve represents – whether or not he is Mormon.

That’s probably why I recognize it so plainly.  Anybody else?

(I should probably state at this point that I obviously know that there are many wonderful Mormon fathers who love their wives and their children and who earnestly strive to be good fathers to their children.  I salute them.  But just as Mormon women tend to be held up to an impossibly high standard of being the “ideal” mother, Mormon fathers could benefit from being allowed to be human, instead of being held up to some “Stepford Wife” kind of plastic perfection – which (again, let’s face it) is endemic in the Mormon culture.)

Lastly, Davy, thanks for pointing out in your video response what is becoming increasingly commonplace and glaringly obvious, i.e., that one can become a father without implanting one’s “awesome semen” in the vagina of a “wonderful girl.”  The implications of this fact for Mormon theology have yet to be worked out.  Stay tuned …