Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Selfish and Alone: Indulging My "Weakness"

“I think it's so revealing of what type of person you are when here you are trying to speak as if your a spiritual guy and all throughout your blog you have pictures of half naked boys. What an oxymoron. When all of the fun from indulging your weakness is gone, and if you ever wake up and find out that the lies you have been telling yourself that this type of choice of life will bring you happiness, when you wake up to the fact that you lost all that was true happiness and the family that you gave up due to your desire to feed your weakness over what is true... Let see how happy and peaceful you will be after you have lived your life selfish and alone. I have a cousin in the same situation, he has gone from one partner to another looking for happiness and peace trying to replicate the peace that can only be felt by living the gospel. But guess what, he and you will never find it doing what you are doing. No matter how many lies you guys tell yourself about it's okay to indulge your weaknesses and no matter how many times the homosexual cloture [culture?] try to replicate a real family in all the different perversions that are out there now, no matter if you try and pick and choose which part of the gospel you choose to live, you will never truly be happy. Not because God hates you, no, it's quite the opposite in fact God still loves you no matter what you do. Most wise people know that that type of life is not full of happiness, it's a sad, selfish, unhappy life, just like a lot of my friends that are gay. So good luck, your in for a very hard life. Life is hard enough, it's harder when you make foolish and unwise decisions... Just in case any of you including the readers of this blog are confused, either all of the gospel is true, or none of it is. No matter what lie you tell yourself to think that you can only live and believe in a part of the gospel and the other part you just tend to dismiss, well I feel sad for you all, because I am sure countless of people that love you guys have warned you including God. You can either take my comments as if I am speaking to you as a jerk, or you can read my comments as Someone who cares enough to tell the truth and wake you up from your path to a sad and very lonely eternal life without your family.”

Thus wrote a commenter this past Sunday with respect to a post I published a few weeks ago.  This person, who posted anonymously (of course), appears to know me and I have my suspicions who wrote it:  someone who at one time was a close family and personal friend but who now, obviously, is no longer any friend of mine.  Someone who is a staunch member of the LDS Church and who believes himself to be the defender of all that is right and true against the latter-day hordes of homosexuals who seek to destroy all that is virtuous, lovely and of good report in the world.

Unfortunately, I think Mr. Anonymous’ thinking is typical of many Latter-day Saints.  It is for this reason that I think it might be instructive to deconstruct his comment to take a closer look at what appear to be the thought processes, assumptions, biases and bigotry underlying the comment.

What’s in an oxymoron?

“I think it's so revealing of what type of person you are when here you are trying to speak as if your a spiritual guy and all throughout your blog you have pictures of half naked boys. What an oxymoron.”

I think Mr. Anonymous revealed a fair bit about himself in his introductory sentences.  First point:  I never have claimed, once, to be a “spiritual guy.”  I write about spiritual subjects, and of course, the very thought of gay man presuming to write about “spiritual” subjects ignites the righteous indignation of the True Blue Mormon (TBM).  Why is that?  You and I both know why:  “spiritual” subjects are off limits to the low-life, degraded, filthy persons who have the audacity to embrace their homosexuality as anything less than a curse from Satan himself.

Second point:  the use of the term “half-naked boys” tends to indicate to me that the person who wrote this comment is an older man, probably in his 60’s and probably a closeted gay man himself.  Why?  None of the pictures on my blog are of “boys”.  They are all of men in their 20’s and 30’s, sometimes older.  To refer to such men as “boys” evokes a commonly used gay appellation. 

But, while I’m on the subject, why have I used such pictures?  This is something that straight people don’t typically understand, and it is something that typically sets homophobic men on edge:  gay men perceive the male body as something of beauty, something to be celebrated – the same reason why the great artists of the last three millennia (at least) have focused on the male form:  because it is seen as a thing of beauty.  Not eroticism, per se.  Of beauty.  It is those who fear the male form who resort to phrases such as “half-naked boys.”

Oh, and just for the record, the Concise Oxford Dictionary defines “oxymoron” as “a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction.”  Mr. Anonymous’ use of this term is inappropriate (i.e., wrong); but I know what he’s getting at.  He’s saying that homosexuality and spirituality are mutually exclusive.  Well, I’ve got a message for Mr. Anonymous:  in your narrow, limited little world, I’m quite sure this is true; but your narrow little world cannot be imposed on the big, bright beautiful world beyond the confines of the spiritual cell in which you dwell.

Indulging Your Weakness

“When all of the fun from indulging your weakness is gone, and if you ever wake up and find out that the lies you have been telling yourself that this type of choice of life will bring you happiness, when you wake up to the fact that you lost all that was true happiness and the family that you gave up due to your desire to feed your weakness over what is true... Let see how happy and peaceful you will be after you have lived your life selfish and alone.”

Where to begin?  Sigh.  How about with “weakness.”  Mr. Anonymous, I know you choose to view homosexuality as a “weakness”.  I’m sure this gives you a great deal of comfort.  But I’m afraid you are in for a bit of disappointment and intense conflict in the future:  the LDS Church has already changed its official position to acknowledge the reality of “same-sex attraction.”  It no longer views homosexuality as a “weakness” and has stated that self-avowed same-sex-attracted persons can hold callings, hold temple recommends and otherwise participate in the “fullness of the Gospel.”  What’s the expression?  Oh yes:  “Deal with it.”

And then there’s the sex thing.  Homosexuality, to people like you, is all about sex, sex, sex.  Get your mind out of the gutter, Mr. Anonymous.  If you would open your heart and your mind, as some of the Brethren have attempted to do, you would recognize that homosexuality encompasses a whole range of human emotions, thought processes and – yes – desires.  People like you try to demonize homosexuals, making it easier to dehumanize people whom, on a good day, you claim to be your brothers and sisters.  Is this what your Savior would do?  Hmmm.  Think about it.

"Giving Up" My Family

Again - just for the record, Mr. Anonymous, I did not “give up” my family in order to “feed my weakness.”  How dare you make such an ignorant, presumptuous, false and utterly contemptible statement!  I suppose it feeds your narrow-minded, bigoted, hateful view of homosexuals and homosexuality to believe such a thing.  

But if you really possess the power of discernment (never mind an open mind), which I’m sure you claim as one who has been given the gift of the Holy Ghost, you would know that your statement is nothing but a deceitful, self-serving lie.  Perhaps if you'd bothered to actually read my blog instead of just look at the pictures, you would have seen that (i) my wife and I were on the brink of divorce before the "gay thing" ever came up, and (ii) she was the one who asked for the divorce, not me.  

"Selfish and Alone"

The last sentence of your comment that I'll consider today reads, "Let['s] see how happy and peaceful you will be after you have lived your life selfish and alone."  My goodness, such a charitable thing to say!  Besides the obvious venom imbued in this statement - which, unfortunately, is not atypical of many LDS who feel that they have license to treat their LGBT brothers and sisters with contempt - there is impregnated the equally prevalent  belief of many LDS that happiness outside the "Plan of Happiness" is simply not possible.

But leaving aside the colossal arrogance of this statement, there is also hidden within it the resentment that lies within the hearts of many LDS who are patiently slogging along with their shoulders to the wheel and who detest those who are out there "having fun," i.e., not adhering to their own narrow view of morality and the world.  These people conveniently ignore the Savior's injunctions to "forgive all men" and "love one another," and instead arrogate to themselves God's prerogative of not looking "upon sin with the least degree of allowance." 

Oh, and then there is the whole "selfish" thing.  But I think I'll leave that to a subsequent post in which I will also address, Mr. Anonymous, some of your other choice statements.

To be continued …


  1. The real irony here, to me, is that I felt faaaar more alone as a closeted gay woman in the church. I couldn't connect with anyone, because no one knew the real me. I'm also saddened by this person's assumptions that we will always be sad and alone. If it's true his cousin floats from partner to partner, well, a lot of straight people do that too, and it's not as much a reflection of homosexuality as a fractured psyche which was probably greatly damaged from growing up in the church as a gay person. Reminds me of Carol Lynn's quip, we throw them in the gutter and wonder why they get dirty.

    I too have received messages like this one. I'm so sorry. But I think anyone who reads it can tell immediately that these words speak far more about their author than about you and your blog. What an emotionally (sexually?) frustrated person! Unfortunately time will prove much more effective in changing his/her heart than any careful deconstructing. Though it's probably helpful for others to read your response who've encountered similar reactions.

  2. why do some people feel the need to call other folks to repentance? Don't get it. Awesome answer by the way. Can't wait to read next day's blog. - :) -A.J.

  3. You know, no one who has ever been a member of The One True Church ever need fear the judgment, because members of TOTC tend to make themselves feel better by judging everyone else. Sad, really.

  4. Anon has no clue, none at all. You know a little about me IP, and though your steps are not the same as mine at the moment, you are walking down a path that is valid, has merit and can (and I believe will) lead to great happiness.

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  6. Oh, IP, you've taken off the velvet gloves and let that self-righteous SOB (son of a breeder) have it right in the kisser! I love it!

    (OK, I have to admit that I've got this overwhelming urge to join in the beating, but it would definitely be unfair for TWO sissy queens to kick a bigot while he's down.)

    Oh, and I love your lead picture of not one, but two half naked boys! Keep up the great work, buddy!

  7. Your (former) friend is as long-winded and lacking in punctuation as any politician, so we can give them credit for knowing how to use [a] bully pulpit. I also suspect they're being disingenuous about gay friends. Can they really have any gay friends with such a vicious attitude.

    And, can't forget the "all or nothing" gospel. Laying aside that most Mormons incorrectly believe the "gospel" to be everything-the-church-teaches-or-practices, such an attitude makes it very easy to chuck the whole system. Since the Pearl of Great Price has proven to be a forgery, DNA traces native Americans to Asian ancestry, and the Book of Mormon hasn't got a clue about what the "Law of Moses" is, I guess "none of it is true".

    Cloture, anyone?

  8. First off joe I think it's funny that you and all of your readers say that I have judged you when there is no such judgement in anything I said. Please show me an example... Also I am not 60, I am 36. And yes I do have some Gay friends and I work with some of them too. Joe you can spin all you want about saying your pictures are artistic. But most people know what it is. Sadly when people that don't want to hear the truth about things some people take it harshly. I am sure you have taught some of those same things when you were at church in some form or another. As for your wife divorceing you, II am pretty sure I wouldn't want my spouse cheating on me mentally or physically while still being married. I think you wanted to have your cake and eat it too. You see when your all confused about what's right and what is wrong, people tend to think they can do things like that. As for my spelling error... Which I thought was funny too , that's what happens sometimes when your typing on an IPhone. As for me being a closet gay... Sure you can say that to help you dismiss what I say, but I guess I will be the only one that can answer that. And I know the answer. You can also call me a bigot if you want if it helps you feel better to cope with the things that I said. Just remember I never called you anything rude, I also never judged you, I just stated some of the facts that I know about the gay friends that I know. So if you take them to be harsh, well then I guess you know where you stand.

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  10. What, pray, is Anonymous thinking? He doesn't believe his post is judgmental? He doesn't think his post is angry? He doesn't think his post is filled with hateful stereotypes? This man (and, yes, buddy, we all know you're a terrified closet case...why else would you be reading and responding as you've done to a gentle person with a kind heart who writes a GAY BLOG...and then in cowardice fail to acknowledge who you actually are????)is so filled with anger and vitriol that it can no way represent truth or love or divinity.

    I can assure you from personal experience that there are few of the Brethren who would condone Anonymous' words or his approach.

    It was Christ himself who said, "Neither do I condemn thee..." It was Christ himself that said that EVERY commandment is subordinate to the love of God and the love of ALL of ones neighbors as well.

    How much love and with it understanding can be found in Anonymous polemic?

    I am sorry for you, Anonymous, and hope that someday the love of Christ will actually touch you so that you can understand the pain your thoughtless words inflict on others.

  11. It has become apparent the the bitchy gay queens and the narrow minded breeders area all insane! Ow how us bisexuals are the only people that have a clue!


  12. Thanks for all the supportive comments, guys and gals. If it wasn't clear enough from his first comment, Mr. Anonymous has shown in his follow-up comment that he is too encased in his own self-righteousness, bigotry [Oxford: "bigot: an obstinate and intolerant believer in a religion, political theory, etc; "bigoted: unreasonably prejudiced and intolerant"] and prejudice to engage in reasoned discussion. As he is wont to say, that's "sad."

  13. Ah aint a-judgin', Ah jes see de beam in yo eye, an hiv come to tell ya to pluck it out!

  14. I just find it ironic you criticize him for being 'anonymous' but are yourself hiding behind a pseudonym. I, too, agree about the pictures; they're not 'celebrations of the male form' they're 'celebrations of male erotica' as you well know, or they'd be more artistic and less suggestive.

  15. I like what you said far better than what I am thinking... I know that my sources are completely secular: books by professional therapists and doctors of psychology... and I understand those people don't have the same authority as someone who speaks for God...

    The words from anonymous are abusive and controlling. Assuming you know what someone else is thinking and feeling without them telling you is beyond irrational. Assuming you know what they need to do (and then telling them) is overstepping a boundary. I know that members of the church are TAUGHT to be abusive, controlling, to not listen to the person, but only to the prophets, but it doesn't make it okay to BE abusive.

    And I know my words are dripping with sarcasm and anger. One day, I will be able to dismiss abusive statements such as this one, but I haven't healed completely yet. There will be a day when I will be as calm and as succinct as Joseph was, but I'm not there yet...