Saturday, October 23, 2010

His eyes ...

For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid to look another man – especially a good-looking one - in the eyes for fear of what he might see in mine.  There was always the worry about whether they might see through my mask, whether they could tell I am attracted to men.  Or if my gaze lingered too long, would they think I am coming on to them?

The result?  I have gone through my adult life not making any meaningful eye contact with men, lowering my eyes, avoiding eye contact, being ashamed, constantly on guard, feeling less of a man, less of a person.  I am tired of feeling ashamed!  I hate how this has made me feel for longer than I want to think about.

So, as part of my effort to embrace who I am, I have made a conscious effort to stop doing that. 

Now, for example, when I go into the dry cleaners, I make direct eye contact with the cute young guy at the register.  I am friendly.  He smiles.  I smile back.  I feel like a person – a person I can like.  Same with the good-looking guy at the grocery store check-out, etc.  And of course, I’m not talking lascivious looks or anything like that, but just making eye contact and not being afraid, not being ashamed, not being paranoid.  Affirming who I am.

Can anyone out there relate to this, or am I just weird?


  1. Don't be afraid to look at another man. He could be the right guy for u. U've done the right thing.

    But remember, don't stare! It makes you look like have a certain hunger for the man. Hehehe

    Thank U.
    Joned ^_^RR

  2. I can really relate. There have been times when I have also hesitated to make eye contact with someone I felt to be attractive. Also, like you, I decided this was something I should just get used to and now I enjoy it. I have a straight friend who isn't much on physical touch but he's really good with eye contact. When we're talking face-to-face, he'll sustain eye contact just as long as I will. It's a wonderful connection and something I would have avoided a few years ago. Glad to hear you've taken this step to affirm who you are and to be open to the light that is in you and others.

  3. Thanks, Ned, for sharing your thoughts. I'm glad someone else understands what I was trying to say and could relate.

    Joned - I checked out your blog. Wow! As a fellow convert to the Church, I salute you! You are really a pioneer. I admire you.