Saturday, October 23, 2010

His eyes ...


For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid to look another man – especially a good-looking one - in the eyes for fear of what he might see in mine.  There was always the worry about whether they might see through my mask, whether they could tell I am attracted to men.  Or if my gaze lingered too long, would they think I am coming on to them?

The result?  I have gone through my adult life not making any meaningful eye contact with men, lowering my eyes, avoiding eye contact, being ashamed, constantly on guard, feeling less of a man, less of a person.  I am tired of feeling ashamed!  I hate how this has made me feel for longer than I want to think about.

So, as part of my effort to embrace who I am, I have made a conscious effort to stop doing that. 

Now, for example, when I go into the dry cleaners, I make direct eye contact with the cute young guy at the register.  I am friendly.  He smiles.  I smile back.  I feel like a person – a person I can like.  Same with the good-looking guy at the grocery store check-out, etc.  And of course, I’m not talking lascivious looks or anything like that, but just making eye contact and not being afraid, not being ashamed, not being paranoid.  Affirming who I am.

Can anyone out there relate to this, or am I just weird?

3 comments:

  1. Don't be afraid to look at another man. He could be the right guy for u. U've done the right thing.

    But remember, don't stare! It makes you look like have a certain hunger for the man. Hehehe

    Thank U.
    Joned ^_^RR

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  2. I can really relate. There have been times when I have also hesitated to make eye contact with someone I felt to be attractive. Also, like you, I decided this was something I should just get used to and now I enjoy it. I have a straight friend who isn't much on physical touch but he's really good with eye contact. When we're talking face-to-face, he'll sustain eye contact just as long as I will. It's a wonderful connection and something I would have avoided a few years ago. Glad to hear you've taken this step to affirm who you are and to be open to the light that is in you and others.

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  3. Thanks, Ned, for sharing your thoughts. I'm glad someone else understands what I was trying to say and could relate.

    Joned - I checked out your blog. Wow! As a fellow convert to the Church, I salute you! You are really a pioneer. I admire you.

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